Mother

Apparently, I really want to tell about my mom. I really don't know why (if you ask me why), I'm just in the mood of writing about my relationship with her. 

I have 4 siblings, 2 brothers (older and younger) and 2 elder sisters. I'm the fourth out of five. When I was born, my mom became busier taking care of her children alone (my dad was a sailor and he used to leave my mom and his children for months), so she asked close relative named Kak Sion to come to Jakarta and help her. Kak Sion was really trusted, she could do cooking, washing, and taking care of us four. She loved me the most out of my other siblings and cared to me like I was her own child (that moment she was about 24 yo and single). That's why for 10 years of my life I loved her more than I loved my own mom. I was always called Kak Sion's child by my neighbor and I always answer the same to them when I was asked who my mother is. By the time of my childhood, I really didn't have any memories with my own mother.

When Kak Sion had to go back to Mori because she had been away from home for so long, I had to face the hardest goodbye of someone I really love and I cried over and over and over and over that moment. My own mother couldn't do anything! She didn't know myself. After that, my life still went on like normal without Kak Sion in my life, but one thing that never changed was I didn't have a close relation with my own mom. She tried hard to become close but I rejected it. I was never comfortable when she held my hand (like what normal mother and daughter always do) when we hang out. I never told her who the boy I liked or my activities at school or anything that a daughter normally tells to her mother.

Now, I'm not going to tell anyone that she fails me or something like that. I love her now and I am so thankful for having her as my mother. She is the person who letting me know Jesus. She is the person who punishes me hardly and yells at me loudly everytime I do wrong. She is the person who always gets mad everytime I feel my self inferior. She is the person that changes me become me now, she is important to me. When my dad literally invalid because of his sickness, I become closer to my mother because she is the only one I can rely on. I remember when me and my friends from KTB (Kelompok Tumbuh Bersama) shared our story of life and I told them that I was really deeply mentally down because my dad was sick and I didn't have anyone to share my load especially because I was not close with my mother at all. My friend, named Lia, told me that she was previously like that to her mother too but she tried to step by step being closer to her mom and one by one telling her her story like who's boy she likes, what kind of activities she has been doing lately in campus, etc, and she encouraged me to do so. Well, that moment I thought it was impossible to become close to my mom. Until one day, I decided to tell her about me being an MC of Christmas Celebration in UI. I was like wow how could you tell her that? Well the conversation is pretty short but a good way to start.

Yesterday, I told her my recent big burden which is my problem with my research advisor and she gave me good advice! I was thankful that she always judged me for being negative towards my problem and asked me to see everthing in positive way. I didn't complain for I saw her had given her life the prove. So, here I am know. I am not only my daddy's little girl but also mom's grown up girl. Thank you mother!